God is speaking

I want to share what happened two days ago. I was in a bad situation and really really down and right into this situation, God spoke to me. But, step by step...


First of all, I want to explain a little bit about how God speaks.
The Bible tells us so much about how God spoke to people. He showed himself in different form of nature. For example, he appeared as a burning bush and out of that bush, God spoke directly to Moses (Exodus 3).
God also spoke through angels. He send them as messengers to tell people he'd chosen what he wanted them to know. A good example is where the angel comes to tell Mary she will become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God's beloved son (Luke 1: 26-38).
Something that appears pretty often in the Bible is God speaking through dreams and visions :
1 Kings 3:5 , Genesis 20:3 and more
He speaks through other people, through scripture (the Bible) or through phrases which meet us via internet, newspapers, books or whatever you can read or listen to.

There may be some ways of God's speaking I didn't mention, but I think I listed the most common ways.

Well, like I said at the beginning of this post, I was really really upset Sunday night. I am not gonna say why, because that is not important right now.
What is of importance and what I wanna share is what happened that night, while I was upset and being mad at God because I felt like He was preventing me being happy.

I sat at my desk in front of my computer and had all those thoughts and feelings I just mentioned. All of a sudden, I remembered a song and felt I should listen to it. So, I hit youtube, typed in the song and listened. And while I did words appeared on my screen! Words, telling me exactly what I needed in that situation. I will quote here, what came up my screen within about 20 minutes:

‘Don't get disappointed when God doesn't give you what you want.....

For he knows the best time for you to have it.....’

‘My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.

psalm 62:1’

'call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3

'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29,11'

'God has a reason for allowing things to happen

'we may never understand His wisdom'

'But we simply have to trust His will...'

'We face all challenges'

'beyond all the problems'

'because we believe that the more pain we overcome... the more stronger we become'

'JUST HOLD ON ..........AND BE STRONG.............GOD IS WITH YOU'

'sometimes all we can do is rest on His arms as He takes us through the journey of life.....

With Him we are safe... ‘

Honestly, at the first few words I was speechless.....and then I was annoyed. I really felt like: Thanks God! Right now I just want to be mad at you and not talk to you and just......and then you tell me this?? Just leave me alone, how can I be mad at you if you tell me this???

And then he kept on writing on my screen and telling me what I also posted. I, still, was so annoyed. Now, two days later of thinking about it, I am honestly glad. I wanted to turn away from God in that moment, I just wanted him to leave me alone, I wanted to ignore him, keep him away from my life. But God came right into this Situation and knocked on my door, the door of my heart. He wanted me to listen to him, wanted me to actually see and realize that I don't need to understand everything and question everything, but even in hard times, trust him and believe it is for my good.

I think if he hadn't talked to me in that moment, I would still be mad at him and turn my back to him. He knew it and so, he talked to me right away, told me what I needed to hear. I am so thank ful for his speaking to me.

A friend I was talking to while God was talking to me said: ' He is going to use you for great things'

me: '?' He: 'Why does he keep knocking on your heart if he doesn't want to use you'

I think he is right. Why does God do this, if he doesn't want to use me? Why in the world would he so go after me all the time (because this was not the first time he did this) and grab my hand when I want to turn away from him??

I am excited what he is going to do. I am looking forward to it, although I don't know what it will be. But if it comes from God, it is going to be great, not easy, but great. =)

a few thoughts that came up my mind

Okay.........I am in Elstal, close to Berlin, and study Theology at a seminary for more than 6 weeks now.
Honestly, I didn't expect it being the way it turned out to be. But, thinking about it: did I expect anything at all???
I actually don't think I did.

All I knew was: God had placed me here, wanted me here and I wasn't gonna stay in Texas. I did not really expect anything from my studies at seminary except it empowering me to work for God's glory. 'I just need the degree' that's what I thought. I was and am so ready to go out into the world and work for him, to fulfill my dream and move to Texas, find a church and work there.
But this is just the first glance.......the second one says: you need more knowledge, a lot more knowledge to be able to speak, you need some more time to mature, you need to work on yourself a lot more as well and, why don't you ask God why he put you there in first place???

A lot of people here at seminary asked me about my story, like, why I wanna study theology and why I came to this seminary.
All I could say was: 'God called me into ministry and I followed. My first impression of this seminary when I visited it in November 2008 was not too good. It is outside the city and really quiet. You barely saw people around and there was just nothing. I didn't wanna go here.'
To that they asked me: and now? What do you think now?

I found the perfect quote to answer that question, a quote that really expresses my situation:


'I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.'
(Douglas Adams)


Yes, I am where I was send to. I just don't know why here.
Is it to teach me patience? Is it to make me sensitive to God speaking? Is it because there is something waiting here for me to be done? Is it because I would've failed studying in the US?

I don't know. And it is not intended for me to know. Not yet.
Why? Well, if it was, I would know it already.

I need to remind myself over and over again that God is in control, he is the one to guide me and to reveal the next step or a part of his plan.
And especially remind myself that God is good and his plans are good.

yeah, it sounds easy.....but it is not, I know. There is so much I would love to do instead, where I would love to be.....
I am really impatient with some things and myself.

So I am thankful for everyone who reminds me that not in my, but God's time, He will give me what my heart desires and what I cannot see yet: that being obedient is the right thing to do and that following wherever God leads me is the best that can happen to me.

Gracious giver and provider

I wrote this sermon the day I arrived back in Germany after 2 months in Texas.
I got off the plane in Frankfurt and sat down with all my stuff, waiting on the train to come and bring me to Siegburg, when it hit me and I wrote this down.
After 2/3rds I was interrupted by the train coming and having to run to get on it in time (yeah not that easy with a heavy backpack, a camera bag, 2 suitcases and a big stuffed bear on my arm!).
I didn't have time to finish it till about 2 weeks ago and now, today, I finally had the opportunity to type it down. So this is the explanation why some times mentioned in the sermon are not completely correct anymore and why it took so long until I posted it here.
I hope you do enjoy it and God is telling you something through this.
I would like to know what you think so feel free to comment. (sry for spelling mistakes, I typed pretty fast)



31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
(matthew 6: 31-34 TNIV)


I spend my summer in Texas this year. Usually I learn something during that time. Whenever I come over to Texas, God teaches me another big and important lesson in my life.

The first year I came over (2006) it was basically trying to move onto a path that enables me to live and by that become able to follow God's plan later on.

The second year I came (2008) it was trust and I've written about it before. God taught me to trust that he has a plan for my life and that it is good, for my best although I might not understand how this could work or.................. yes, although I might suffer.

This year was the longest I've ever stayed abroad. 2 months. It was an awesome time with lots of friends, lots of joy and yes, lots of tears.
The morning I left (yesterday) Andrea, my very sweet friend, came over to my house to say goodbye.
She asked me: 'What do you think God has taught you during your time here?'
The question hit me right in the face! I hadn't thought about this. I mean, I knew God had used me being in Texas before to work on me and my walk with him......but I hadn't thought about him teaching me something this year in Texas...
Andrea made me face this, made me face the fact that God might've taught me something this summer.

I had a long flight now and time to think about it and I came to the conclusion: Yes! God has indeed taught me a huge lesson; and I didn't realize it!

You might wonder what it is, you sit there, totally curious and think: tell me! Spit it out! Pop the secret!
But before I do, I need to tell you something about myself:
I am a control freak! I need to know what is gonna happen when and where and how. I need to know who is around me, who is doing what and who is going where.
This sounds like I am no fun to hang around with and you might want to avoid me from now on. But you can ask my friends who I hung around with and according to them inviting me again I think, it is not that bad. You barely realize me trying to be in control.
Anyway, I am a control freak and if there is something that is not good for a healthy relationship with God, than it is you trying to have control about everything.
God is the one who should have full control about your life. He can do it. Remember, He has created you........so, how couldn't He be able to take care and control of your life?
Right! I agree to that.

Well, this year God sowed me that I cannot have control about everything. All I can do is trust in him taking care, him being in control.
This is hard to do. It means you have to trust and it challenges you to be patient.
But most of all, it asks you to accept.

Just because God takes care and you give him control over your life does not mean that he is going to work it out the way you wish he would, the way you've imagined it.........
it does not mean God is going to make your dreams come true.

Did you just swallow the big knot that appeared in your throat? I did.

God taking care does not mean he fulfills your dreams!
What a tough statement. But it is so true.
Just because we imagine something being good for us doesn't actually mean it really is.
We just get a small glimpse of our future, we can just picture a tiny part of it........
but God sees the whole plan, he sees everything that's in our future.
So, he knows what is best for us, for me and for you, and he can see what would result out of us getting everything we desire.

Referring back to my task last year, the lesson I was taught which I wrote about the other day, referring back to that, we should trust God to have a good plan with us, with me.....and with you. He wants your best and this is the reason why he might not fulfill your dreams.
Hard, isn't it?!

This is something God really showed me this summer and I struggle with accepting it, I really do. But honestly, what other choice is there?
Exactly!

The biggest thing God has taught me this time though, is something different but it adds to the control part, that's why I mentioned this one before.
The biggest thing God showed me and what I just realized is, that He provides everything.

He provides everything!

I've experienced God as the gracious giver and provider this year, who gave me everything I needed, right when I needed it. Small things and big ones.

One of the smaller things happened right at the airport yesterday afternoon.
I wanted to check in and it turned out my suitcase was overweight! I've never had this happen to me before but as the saying goes, there is always a first time for everything.
The lady at the check-in said it would cost 150$! I was shocked! How in the world would I pay for it??? Good thing is: you can check in with two suitcases. Bad thing was: I didn't have a second one.
The one I used was already borrowed.
So, I ended up leaving Debbie ( my hostmum) with my luggage, running upstairs through the control and look for another suitcase. There was one place that had some......they were 79,99 $, pretty expensive, and I only had 77 $ left in my pocket.
I ended up running through the whole airport in Houston, looking for a suitcase. Just picture that for a moment.
At one point, I almost gave up. I prayed: God, please, I need it, I need it so badly!
And after what seemed like forever I saw another store, a golfer store, which are really expensive, I know, and where I usually never ever go in. But me being so desperate, I went in. And I found a really nice suitcase, good quality, it fit my needs 100%. And guess what? It was on sale for just 29,99 $!!
God made me have exactly what I needed, WHEN I needed it.
This was just a small need, but God helped me with it.

A really big thing though, where I experienced God as the gracious giver this summer was, that he put people in my life right where and when I needed them.
If it was meeting new people at the most ridiculous place in most ridiculous ways and find really good friends in them, if it was someone to tell me what I mean to them, if it was someone letting me know I am loved and cherished and welcome or tell me to believe in what God has gifted me with and keep on writing sermons, or if it was someone to listen and feel.

God blessed me with this this summer, with the most amazing friends I've ever known.
They stepped into my life, moving me to points where I could begin to grow to the next level.
They encouraged me in different ways, with different topics in my life.
They supported me.
This is one of the most precious gifts someone can ever get.


Leaving Texas was not easy for me, those of you who know me, really know how much I love Texas and consider it being 'home'.
But I had to leave, knowing I would start seminary in Berlin, knowing this is where God had placed me. And I wanted to follow his plan for me.
Nevertheless, I sat on the plane, opening cards and letters I'd gotten from friends, listening to the song my dear friend Emily wanted me to listen to ever day.........and I had tears in my eyes.
I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave.
But then I reminded myself: God is taking care, He will provide just like he did this summer.
It was a tough task for me and still is.
But there is this Bible verse that totally encourages me. It is -what else could it be- in Jeremia, Chapter 17: 7 :
'The person who trusts in the LORD will be blessed.'
One of my favorite Christian writers, Max Lucado, says to this verse: 'Understand it as Jesus saying: You do the trusting, I'll do the taking.'

God will provide my needs, he will take care, He will put people in my life where and when I need them and He will enable me to do what He has planned for me.
He has shown me that he does see my needs and does not ignore them but provide.
He just does it in his ways and in his time and I need to accept that.

What are your needs?
What are your longings, your desires?
What are you looking for?

Is it being famous and acknowledged?
Is it having a lot of friends, being cool?
Is it finding your match and getting married? Start a family?
Is it being a good wife / husband and being a role model for your children? Taking care of your family?
Doing good at school, finding a job, how to earn the most money?
Or is it how to deal with the wounds others have caused, the pain you carry for a long time now, buried inside?
Stopping the struggles with addiction and sin?

Whatever you think you need, whatever you are longing for, whatever your heart desires.......
God will provide...............in the time and way he knows is best, not how you wish it.

I've experienced it this summer........and it is just the beginning of a long and amazing journey, full of joy, grace, tears and amazing people.......but most of all, it is an amazing journey with my God, the gracious giver and provider, the one who knows me from the inside out, the one, who gave his life so I could be saved,
because he loves me unconditionally.

And you know what? He is waiting for you to go on such a journey with him and let him write your story.

on the plane, flying back to Germany, missing my dear friends, seeing God's great wonders above the clouds, feeling totally blessed and being carried away in my thoughts